Quantitude Quantique

Les vibrations quantiques de la vie physique chantent la promesse chancelante des possibilités infininiment possible de la réalité véridicte dans laquelle je suis née.

Nez à nez avec le reflet de mes actions, je crée l’horizon qui dessine ludiquement le portrais de mes sentiments. Empereur de mes erreurs, victime de ma réussite, j’imprime le temps fatidique de par ma composition chimique. Les cellules se divisent et savisent de la traîtrise de la vie qui les conduira inévitablement dans l’envoutement mortel des céquels du tendre passé présent.

Je me meurt d’envi existentielle. La vibration des cordes temporels m’agripe tangiblement au pendule du début de ma faim. Je me nourri de connaissance. Je m’abreuve de la quintécanse.

Mon coeur bat au rythmes de mes émotions, car dans la charadre des dérivés, il peine à s’intégré. Je suis un mélange mécanique et non homogène. Cela fait partie de mes gênes. Je suis un alliage intellectuelle jeune et pur. C’est pour cette raison que je ne m’intègre à aucune moulure. J’ai du en forger une sur mesure.

Je suis un unique atipique. Je souffre de persévérance chronique. Je suis le héros de mon histoire, le créateur de ma gloire. Les autres vous, ceux-ci, ceux-là, Oui eux. Ils pourront rire de tout se que j’aurai écris, mais sachez qu’a jamais c’est mots auront ambrassés leurs souvenirs. C’est pourquoi que d’un jour incertain, ils comprendront. Alors pour l’instant, leurs oreilles nous recolleront.

 

Poème par Naomie

“I’ll Be Right Here by this River.” by Lisa Marie

Hey!!

Just wrote this song “Right here by this River.” This came through at 4am the other morning when an angel woke me up to stare outside my window, watch the sunrise and the birds fly.

I was pondering what I was tuning into. Because I felt like someone may have passed away. It felt like a very important moment for me to be awake, and felt so powerful to channel this song. I bawled my eyes out. I went for a nature walk, then I got the news that a friends brother had passed away.

I also relate this to anyone passed away in this life or last lives, including my dear mother Mary Ann. This song runs deep. This song felt as if I had translated the birds or something. It just came through so clearly and powerfully.

I call this song “I’ll Be Right Here by this River.”

Yours Truly,

Lisa Marie

Paradise Lust

Series of Haikus by MJ L’Esperance.

1. Hard lines and soft curves
Etched on the back of the eyes
Mat black and shiny white

2. Small hand in big hand
Words bandied like caresses
The smell of mountains

3. The wind of your voice
The rain down sweet prairie grass
Roaming over me

4. Golden rays that touch
Orange flames beneath eyelids
My ivory skin

5. The bounds of your love
Silence the voice in my head
Rattan, jute, and silk

6. There exists a place
That is both dark and light
Inside open arms

7. Finding happiness
Entangled in a prison
Of limbs and kisses

8. Since we are alone
Make your hands rain down on me
Branding me as yours

9. The electric jolt
Sudden surge of desire
From the softest touch

Lies are a lady’s best friends

 

“I’m fine”, I say.
I’m fine, even though I know you slept with another girl last night.
I’m fine, even been tough I know you texted her during the entire movie on date night.
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, I say
As I dig my stubbly nails so hard in my arm’s flesh

“I’m fine”, I say.

I’m fine, even when you ask me a hundred times per day because I’m hard to read

I’m fine, even as the dark hole at the center of my body threatens to swallow me

Yes, of course I’m fine, I say

As I go to sleep with a pair of scissors in my hands.

“I’m fine”, I say
I’m fine, even after you tell me you’re not sure you want kids WITH ME
I’m fine, even if you just threw a wrench the size of China in my imagined life
I’m completely fine, I say
As a slowly find my way to the bathroom so I can throw up my morning sickness without you noticing

“I’m fine”, I say
I say I’m fine when I mean the opposite
But what exactly is the opposite of ‘fine’?
How can I say ” I feel far from you suddenly ”
How can I say “I’m tired of being strong”
How can I say “I’m sorry I’m not good enough”
Without first admitting to my own frailty?

“I’m fine”, I say
I say I’m fine because even though it’s a lie,
It’s a lie that acts as a Viking shield wall
Against the assaults of my mind
Against a thousand mirror shards reflecting
Guilt, shame, and fear right back into me.

“I’m fine”, I say
I say I’m fine and my fists clench up and my arms tighten and my jaw squares
I cultivate this perfect ice statue that even your summery words cannot thaw
I do not know how to let my guard down with you
Because I fear the cracks that your sunshine might reveal.

MJ L’Esperance

Sprout

This poem is by War Bunny, an activist trans sex-worker.

A wonderfully strong woman.

She explains her poem thus:

It is a victory chant for those who survived abuse.  It’s actually surprisingly old.

Each paragraph matches what’s written in order. It starts with someone who never really intended this relationship to be something so big in their life, “you were the first of many” implying that the person had multiple choices but stuck with that one because it came first. Despite that, they never really doubted their choice, blinded by the situation. A reference to guitar, knowing where to put your fingers on frets applying pressure to strings to get the right effect, symbolizing the person knowing what button to press to get what they want. In this case, years and years again. The fourth part comes back twice, symbolizing keeping up the mask despite the pain. The relationship continues despite how bad it is simply because nothing is opposing it, but the person telling the story feels trapped and can’t help looking away. However they give in when their abuser tells them to stop because they want to fight back but can’t. They do notice all the escape options surrounding them but something holds them back, feeling like the abuser is holding their life and defense tools hostage. They feel empty, damaged, defeated, and they’re figuring out the other knows too and are probably using this, reaching a point in their victory where the victim just can’t defend themselves anymore, almost inspiring awe. They accepted they were the “big bad” (even though they feel it’s wrong) and they’re trying to figure out what do to next. They manage to get away from this, but they “died” in the process, leaving their life behind, and now that they have nothing left all they can do is watch the other ‘thrive’ the remains. They’re describing what happened exactly that pushed them over the edge. Part four again. They’re gaining momentum, figuring out they don’t need their old tools to fight back, and now that they’re “re-equipped” they’re countering every lines of manipulation the abuser uses. The abuser gives in, quitting on trying to manipulate the person. They attempt a few more time to guilt trip the victim but it fails, only making the now-survivor laugh. They look back upon all the damage this whole thing left them, and in hindsight despite having lost so much they feel like it’s a victory. They really meant the love and time they poured in the relationship, but now that their old life is gone and they’re done grieving, they realize they outgrown the abuser, with newfound maturity helping them through it. And well, the very simple finale.

 

It’s never been my intention

Not that I ever had any

I never wanted your attention

You were the first of many

 

But I never had any regrets

Any fear

Any stress

 

You played your strings along my frets

Every years

I confess

 

Despite my pain I strike a pose

Blood covering the stain

Despite growing ever so morose

Body bruised from the strain

 

We keep on going the distance

Carried by our persistence

Winds blow us into existence

Offering no resistance

 

But I suffer from wanderlust

Still I do just what I must

I resist, but you insist

Defeated, I clench my fist

 

I look away towards the doors

Countless around just like my pores

You make it hard, not to stop and run

But you got my key, my lock and my gun

 

I’m unloaded, baby, just like my heart

I’ve been like that from the very start

But surely you guessed that I’m not hope

Neither am I despair, but I sure am close

 

Though, I must admit

I owe you my respect

You reached a summit

That I didn’t expect

 

Please forgive me, but I’m still sore

I’ll need some time to get to my corpse

You proved me wrong, again and some more

My ghost still got to follow it’s course

 

Maybe one day I’ll be back alive

Kicking around and screaming “I’m back”

But meanwhile I’ll just watch you thrive

I really want to but I can’t keep track

 

You buried me in a haste

Under words I can still taste

Pulled me by the waist

Pushed me, I’m disgraced

 

Despite my pain I strike a pose

Blood covering the stains

Despite growing ever so morose

Body bruised from the strain

 

I’m still standing, and I’m still shooting

Firing you away from my fingertips

I don’t need my gun to be overshooting

I tore up away all of your little scripts

 

Don’t know what to say, now don’t you?

You know my words, you know it’s true

I can’t blame you for trying some more

It shook you down right to your core

 

It took me some time but I moved on

I think, deep down, I’m the one that won

I might have been dead but you sure ain’t lively

I’m thriving down here while you sing plaintively

 

“Fly me to the moon”, I meant that sincerely

But now that I’m buried, I’m growing quite nicely

I’m a mighty tree while you’re still a shrub

I’m not sorry that you’re not in my club

 

I’m quite done with this rant

But I needed this out

Like a victory chant

Grown from a sprout

 

 

 

 

War Bunny

 

 

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